I'm a caregiver to a parent

So this is “Sincere Saturday” more or less.  I won’t lie; it’s been a rough week, mostly because of my need for personal privacy.  I like my privacy, not because of nefarious purposes but because I’ve had others use my circumstances for other reasons. Anyway to circumvent that issue, here’s something that many people don’t know about me. I don’t tell a lot of people because I tend to be a private person and to be honest, it’s seemed to make some uncomfortable. I’m the primary caregiver to a disabled parent and have been since my early 20’s.  That’s the foremost reason that I don’t attend most conventions or parties, and that I live a relatively quiet life. It’s not an easy task, it’s a great deal of “that’s ok” reassurance and clean ups, and the most difficult part: that of the role reversal from child to parent.

I’m only saying this today because, while I do think there should be pride in being a caregiver, there absolutely shouldn’t be disdain. This week in particular, I’ve had to defend my position professionally and I think that is atrocious. In the past, I’ve endured the “lives in his parent’s basement” jokes (despite that it’s my home and that I pay the bills) and tried to make light, but sometimes it’s hard.  Hard to not take even a day off in decades, hard to shun relationships, hard that you not have to be the parent and hard that knowing despite how much you love that person, that the most fearful thing is that inevitable day when they’ve slipped away. 

There are a thousand and one issues that come with being a caregiver; it’s a lesson in compassion, humility and of honor, because no matter what, you know that you’re doing the right thing. You’re repaying a debt and fulfilling a duty; but how is this different than being a single parent?

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From here on out, I’m very sorry if I do make you uncomfortable in my role as a caregiver, but I do take pride and I will no longer be quiet. Caregivers shouldn’t be ridiculed, but rather respected for what they do.  When you’re old.. when you no longer can care for yourself, what will you think of caregivers?

Thank you for taking the time to read. 

Why I am a fan of the Green Lantern

Why I am a fan of the Green Lantern.

The Green Lantern.  He can’t lift a battleship, or control the weather.  He isn't an alien from another planet, blessed with countless superpowers and he doesn't have unbreakable bones. The Green Lantern can’t stick to walls and doesn't have a personal fortune to dedicate to crime fighting gadgets.  He’s essentially a normal human with an occupation as a space cop, patrolling his beat with a ring.

That’s what makes the Green Lantern unique among all other superheroes. Not to sound all ‘Kill Bill’, but you see unlike Spider-Man or Superman, Aquaman or Thor, the Green Lantern’s superpower is willpower.  He has to believe that his ring will act as a conduit for his imagination and will or it’s useless.  The more he focuses his willpower, the greater the construct and range of abilities.  Superman can have his moments of doubt but as long as the sun burns yellow, he is still Superman with all of his Kryptonian powers at his disposal.  Even when Spiderman is frightened and his web-shooters run dry of webbing, he can still stick to walls, sense danger and lift a Buick. There’s never any fear that their powers will fail them even in the worst of circumstances.

If the Green Lantern is afraid, his ring is powerless to affect anything with the color yellow and if his willpower falters or he questions his own ability, his constructs crumble and he’s defenseless. He has to swear an oath and recharge his ring every 24 hours, reaffirming his loyalty to the Corps and his resolve to fight evil. He’s the only superhero that HAS to live up to his own ideals.

So here it is for a truthful Thursday.  I like Green Lantern because he believes in himself; he has to. No matter how tired he is or wounded or betrayed or spiritually depleted.  He still believes. For my money, that’s what makes him the greatest of heroes.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Memories are burgle-proof!

I was able to make peace with the theft in realizing as valuable (to me) as the mementos were, they are still just things. Some people don’t have any ‘things’. I’ve a roof over my head and I do not go hungry. And the memories that those lost items represented are still mine and cannot be taken away by anyone. Peace, all.

We Deserve Better

So it's election time once again.  Time to turn in and turn on the rants, the soundbytes, the out of context quotes, the unflattering pictures and the worst case scenarios.  All from commentators, no legitimate journalist  in sight.  I'm a political junkie.  No, correction, a rehabilitated political junkie. I can't stand it anymore. Why? Because the times, they are a-changing.

Look at the campaigns.  Look at your party, left or right and if you've ever had the argument of "the other side just wants the worst for you!" or if you justify mudslinging with "well the other side started it first!" therein lies the problem.  There's no room for moderates anymore. No middle ground and compromise is seen as a weakness.

I'm an independent.  I've pulled the lever for both parties, depending on the issue, the candidate and the general state of the Union.  Some may say that's disloyal to party but the last time I looked, it was about the welfare of our country, not about a single party.

I just despise the single mindedness of the campaigns.  No one is even asking you to vote for them anymore, have you noticed that? It's more or less just another round of "don't vote for my opponent." I want more than that.  We as a country DESERVE more than that. The blood of our service men and women have paid the price for more than that.

There are cries of  "smaller, less intrusive government!".... but not when it comes to marrying the person you love. How much more intrusive can a government be?? (I'm of course speaking of same sex marriage.) What the heck, live is hard. It's cold and brutal, the government has absolutely no place to dictate or define love. This flies directly in the face of the pursuit of happiness, not just mentioned but GUARANTEED by the U.S. Constitution. And the government restricting access to planned parenthood? Here's the lowdown, dear readers.  Planned Parenthood does more than abortions; they're the last bastion of quality healthcare for women with no other financial alternatives.  And if you think promoting safe sex equates to abstinence? You obviously don't remember your teen years.  The wind, sunshine, clouds and or the moon was enough to get the mind thinking about sex.

There are cries of "help the poor!" but not a SINGLE candidate on either side has mentioned the plight of families in Appalachia; families caught so deeply in the crushing circle of poverty that generation after generation has been forced to settle for living conditions that the middle class wouldn't tolerate for a weekend. I'm all for tax incentives for getting older cars off of the road for cleaner air, but how about running water for those in need? How about funding our food banks or better yet, getting rid of the NEED for them. I'm a huge proponent of military spending; I want our troops safe and the best equipped in the world. I can also show you how those contracts equate to civilian jobs and actually boosts the economy.  I'm just saying that one less stealth bomber could fund the food banks of West Virginia, without civilian donations, for two years.

We are still the leaders in the world in things. Only now it's buying things instead of making them. iPads, luxury cars. We measure our importance in square footage and tax brackets.  We have the military might to crack the planet in half a thousand times over but our veterans sleep under bridges.  Our children go to school not for learning but because it's their only hot meal in a day. We still have people forced to choose between healthcare and food on their table.

We can do better. We have to do better. I'm not telling you to vote left or right; just vote. Scream to your local and state representation.  Make them put the unsavory issues on the table; that's how solutions are found. The easy path is easy because it's been done. The hard path is rocky because no one has taken it for so long; but at the end of that path is where I want to be.  I want to say, "I mattered somewhere. I fought for SOMETHING."

I'm sorry. Late night dealing with numbers and thoughts just poured out.

Good night dear reader. As always, thank you for taking the time to read.

A steward of the land and of life

It's been awhile since I've blogged, busy with life in general but I'm dusting off the blog tonight.

Today is October 5th; my grandfather has been gone 12 years today and yet not a day in that time has gone by without me thinking of him. Sometimes briefly, sometimes deeply, often with regret but always fondly.

I'm writing this blog entry more for myself than anyone, so I will take no offense if you choose to move on to more entertaining and well written blogs.  If you do continue to read, I will try my best to tell you the tale of farmer's son.

My grandfather had twelve siblings as was not extraordinary for the period or the place, the land was big and hands were needed to till the soil.  Sadly he lost most of his family during the influenza outbreak; I think that's what instilled within him the need to care for others as an adult. Despite hardship and pain in his life, he remained a family rock; even when burying a his first grandchild in tragedy and later a daughter through illness.

He was not formally educated, but brilliant in his own way.  A funny anecdote: The University of Arkansas' head of the horticulture department twice approached him, wanting to know why this lone sharecropper produced twice the cotton yield as his neighbors, who had hired hands and larger acreage. My grandfather couldn't tell him anything more than "you have to care for the land." The professor left feeling snubbed and my grandfather, bewildered. 

My gosh could that man make things grow!  I often think his greatest frustration came from the sticks that he used to support saplings, they would inevitably take root and need to be replaced. He just could not help but make plants grow.

He was quiet, not in a shy way but rather as if words were gold coins, to be spent only when necessary.  Some of my fondest memories are fishing beside him on a riverbank, hours of conversations without a single word being passed.  That was the thing; in silence he could convey his thoughts and feelings far better than the most eloquent speaker.  Walking along atop of a fence, holding one end of a stick as he held the other, was the safest feeling in the world. And when the world was crumbling, that worn and giant of a hand on your shoulder was a far better balm than any medicine.

He taught me that everything in life is connected;  the water, the land, you, me, we're all part of one giant ecosystem and if one part fails, you help. You don't break the chain; you dig in and give, not for some reward but because it's the right thing to do. He taught me to stand up for what I believe in and that courage and kindness are gifts to be shared.

He taught me that a person's value isn't determined by wealth or possessions, that we're all made up of the same material. He had no tolerance for racism or bigotry and for someone born deep in the Ozarks at the turn of the century, that was quite a rarity. As was he.

Whatever fine qualities I may arguably possess, are all attributed to him. I never told him of the tremendous impact he'd made on my life, but I desperately hope that he knew. 

I loved him dearly.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

I want to walk where the fireflies dance.

"Walk with me where the fireflies dance; that's where dreams live." - Grimagination.

Yes I know, the quote is more than a little pompous and filled with hubris but .... I miss fireflies. I miss the warm night air with crickets chirping, that misty feeling with the scent of jasmine in the air. I won't necessarily say it was a simpler time but certainly more comforting than concrete, car stereos blaring and exhaust fumes.

Believe it or not, seeing fireflies once more is on my bucket list. Yes, I have one. It's not long and to be honest, the simplicity would be more alarming than that of the wildest daredevil but it's mine.

Someday, many things :)

No way to slow down.

"Oh he feels the pistons scraping, steam breaking on his brow, old Charlie stole the handle and the train, it won't stop going. No way to slow down."


One of the lyrics from Jethro Tull's "Locomotive Breath".  It's a song in heavy rotation on my iPod these days.


No I don't relate to the theme of a man's entire life unraveling, but I do relate to when the pace of life seems to quicken, building up speed and pressure faster and faster until it's all you can do to just keep up and hold on tight.  The last month or more has really been a wild ride at a breakneck pace, from the moment my feet hit the floor until my head hits the pillow. So many things to do, many more and more obligations to meet and I'll be honest, I get tired. I get cranky. I have a lot of responsibilities; those who know me well, are aware of a few of them but really nobody knows all of them all. Nobody. They're all responsibilities I assumed by choice, no one forced them on me so I do not have room nor right to complain.  Admittedly sometimes I do and I'm usually embarrassed by it.


I've blogged a good deal about having patience for others, trying to see what the other person is going through and not to judge.  I mean that. You have to stop for a moment; take a deep breath and consider the other person and the burden they carry.


And if you're wondering why I am telling you this? I'm not.  I'm telling me.  I've been so short of patience lately and been letting stress, pressure and a heavy load (again assumed by choice) get the better of me.  I've argued with people who didn't deserve it and been less than patient with others.  Stress is no excuse, that's simply no way to treat people.  Ok telling Mr. LittleShoes to go f-himself twice this month...? Yah, no I would TOTALLY do that again. I won't lie but then I feel I've earned that one :)


If you are one of the many, many that I've pissed off and have yet to apologize, come talk to me.  I'll eat a bit of crow and maybe mend a fence or two. 


I've always said I'm not yet the man I want to be but I get closer every day.  I slid a little this month but I'm not nearly done yet trying to be better.


Be happy.  Live, love, laugh and be kind.


Thank you for taking the time to read.