I want to walk where the fireflies dance.

"Walk with me where the fireflies dance; that's where dreams live." - Grimagination.

Yes I know, the quote is more than a little pompous and filled with hubris but .... I miss fireflies. I miss the warm night air with crickets chirping, that misty feeling with the scent of jasmine in the air. I won't necessarily say it was a simpler time but certainly more comforting than concrete, car stereos blaring and exhaust fumes.

Believe it or not, seeing fireflies once more is on my bucket list. Yes, I have one. It's not long and to be honest, the simplicity would be more alarming than that of the wildest daredevil but it's mine.

Someday, many things :)

No way to slow down.

"Oh he feels the pistons scraping, steam breaking on his brow, old Charlie stole the handle and the train, it won't stop going. No way to slow down."


One of the lyrics from Jethro Tull's "Locomotive Breath".  It's a song in heavy rotation on my iPod these days.


No I don't relate to the theme of a man's entire life unraveling, but I do relate to when the pace of life seems to quicken, building up speed and pressure faster and faster until it's all you can do to just keep up and hold on tight.  The last month or more has really been a wild ride at a breakneck pace, from the moment my feet hit the floor until my head hits the pillow. So many things to do, many more and more obligations to meet and I'll be honest, I get tired. I get cranky. I have a lot of responsibilities; those who know me well, are aware of a few of them but really nobody knows all of them all. Nobody. They're all responsibilities I assumed by choice, no one forced them on me so I do not have room nor right to complain.  Admittedly sometimes I do and I'm usually embarrassed by it.


I've blogged a good deal about having patience for others, trying to see what the other person is going through and not to judge.  I mean that. You have to stop for a moment; take a deep breath and consider the other person and the burden they carry.


And if you're wondering why I am telling you this? I'm not.  I'm telling me.  I've been so short of patience lately and been letting stress, pressure and a heavy load (again assumed by choice) get the better of me.  I've argued with people who didn't deserve it and been less than patient with others.  Stress is no excuse, that's simply no way to treat people.  Ok telling Mr. LittleShoes to go f-himself twice this month...? Yah, no I would TOTALLY do that again. I won't lie but then I feel I've earned that one :)


If you are one of the many, many that I've pissed off and have yet to apologize, come talk to me.  I'll eat a bit of crow and maybe mend a fence or two. 


I've always said I'm not yet the man I want to be but I get closer every day.  I slid a little this month but I'm not nearly done yet trying to be better.


Be happy.  Live, love, laugh and be kind.


Thank you for taking the time to read.

There is a better life.

For those that follow my blog, may recall my September 14th post "Monsters Are Real".  It was a short blog filled with statistics and hotline numbers on the subject of domestic violence. This week I said goodbye to a good friend; she was the inspiration for that blog and as she makes her way towards creating a new life, she inspires again.


Like many in an abusive relationship, she made excuses for her husband's behavior.  She believed him when he promised "never again".  She felt she was to blame for "getting him mad" and deserved the abuse. She gave over control of finances and suffered in silence and isolation. That's the pattern of an abuser; the transference, the control and the lies. "You're the cause. You made me do it. You pushed my buttons. It was only once. I said I was sorry."


She was still making excuses as I held her hand while EMT's tended to her broken nose and fractured orbital bone.


I've known abusers in my life; their paramount need is for control at any costs.  Physical, sexual, verbal and mental abuse is most common but certainly not the only forms. An abuser may attempt psychological manipulation or controlling finances, they may stalk or attempt to remove you from friends and family in order to better secure control.


As I said in the previous blog, "you don't have to leave a bruise to harm someone".


As much as it saddened me to say goodbye to my friend, my heart swelled with pride in knowing she was bravely forging her own path.  She made choices for herself and her children to relocate somewhere far away from the horrors she endured and would contact friends and family when she felt ready.


When she felt ready.


For someone leaving an abusive relationship, that one sentence was worth every volume every written about personal enlightenment. Not fearing a blow for making the wrong decision. Not having to walk on eggshells or keep quiet. Feeling something other than pain at its worst and numb at its best. No longer fearing to just live. 


If you're in an abusive relationship, there is help; you do not have to suffer in silence.  You don't have to live in fear and you're not alone in the darkness. 

If you're in immediate danger, call 911. If you looking for a way out, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) . There's someone there 24 hours a day and can help you for both immediate and long term plans.

Above all, please know you didn't ask to be abused and it is not your fault. There is a better life.


Be kind. Be well. Live, love and laugh.


Thank you for taking the time to read.


For safety plans and additional information, please visit the following websites:

http://www.domesticviolence.org/
http://www.ncadv.org/

"Don't go where I can't follow."

"'Frodo, Mr. Frodo!' he called. 'Don't leave me here alone! It's your Sam calling. 'Don't go where I can't follow! Wake up, Mr. Frodo! O wake up, Frodo, dear me. Wake up!' 


It's one of my absolute favorite passages from J.R.R. Tolkien's works. Specifically "The Two Towers" although many people associate it the "Return of the King" movie.  I'm so very glad the script writers left that line in. (FYI a rub for me is that Frodo NEVER went to Osgiliath. Sorry, but I had to mention it.)


"Don't go where I can't follow."


Samwise Gamgee's unwavering loyalty and love for his friend is put to the test and there is so much within that short plea. Entire volumes could be written about Sam's loyalty.


Despite hardship, despite the maliciousness of the One Ring, Samwise never falters in his duty.  Not so much in his task of escorting the Ring to Mordor, but in keeping Frodo safe. He risks physical danger, suffers the rebuke from his most trusted friend and yet.. his loyalty prevails. Is not tempted by the Ring. He is not deterred by hunger, wounds or lack of spirit. He keeps his friend safe because of love. 


If we had (and indeed were) friends such as Samwise Gamgee, what a truly beautiful world this would be.


Thank you for taking the time to read.