There is a better life.

For those that follow my blog, may recall my September 14th post "Monsters Are Real".  It was a short blog filled with statistics and hotline numbers on the subject of domestic violence. This week I said goodbye to a good friend; she was the inspiration for that blog and as she makes her way towards creating a new life, she inspires again.


Like many in an abusive relationship, she made excuses for her husband's behavior.  She believed him when he promised "never again".  She felt she was to blame for "getting him mad" and deserved the abuse. She gave over control of finances and suffered in silence and isolation. That's the pattern of an abuser; the transference, the control and the lies. "You're the cause. You made me do it. You pushed my buttons. It was only once. I said I was sorry."


She was still making excuses as I held her hand while EMT's tended to her broken nose and fractured orbital bone.


I've known abusers in my life; their paramount need is for control at any costs.  Physical, sexual, verbal and mental abuse is most common but certainly not the only forms. An abuser may attempt psychological manipulation or controlling finances, they may stalk or attempt to remove you from friends and family in order to better secure control.


As I said in the previous blog, "you don't have to leave a bruise to harm someone".


As much as it saddened me to say goodbye to my friend, my heart swelled with pride in knowing she was bravely forging her own path.  She made choices for herself and her children to relocate somewhere far away from the horrors she endured and would contact friends and family when she felt ready.


When she felt ready.


For someone leaving an abusive relationship, that one sentence was worth every volume every written about personal enlightenment. Not fearing a blow for making the wrong decision. Not having to walk on eggshells or keep quiet. Feeling something other than pain at its worst and numb at its best. No longer fearing to just live. 


If you're in an abusive relationship, there is help; you do not have to suffer in silence.  You don't have to live in fear and you're not alone in the darkness. 

If you're in immediate danger, call 911. If you looking for a way out, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) . There's someone there 24 hours a day and can help you for both immediate and long term plans.

Above all, please know you didn't ask to be abused and it is not your fault. There is a better life.


Be kind. Be well. Live, love and laugh.


Thank you for taking the time to read.


For safety plans and additional information, please visit the following websites:

http://www.domesticviolence.org/
http://www.ncadv.org/

Monsters Are Real.

Monsters are real.  They don't live under our beds or in our closets and they don't only come out at night.  The monsters may wear many faces; some familiar, some we put our trust in.  They can be spouses, parents or intimate partners.

The monster is domestic violence.  A topic that sadly seems to be at best discussed only in hushed tones and at worst, suffered in silence.  The abuse can take many forms:  physical, sexual and verbal.  It can be manipulation, intimidation, psychological, controlling finances and stalking.  You don't have to leave a bruise to damage someone.

Here are the hard facts: Nearly 1 in three women have been physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at least once in their lifetime.  That's an incident every fifteen seconds.  It's the leading cause of injury to women with only 25% of the incidences being  reported. The statistics get worse, 30% of female murder victims were killed by husbands or boyfriends.  
 
It doesn't have to be this way. 

If you're in danger, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

If you're in an abusive relationship, it's not your fault.  No one deserves to be abused or made to live in fear.  You're not alone there is help for both short term and long term plans.  

For safety plans and additional information, please visit the following websites:
http://www.domesticviolence.org/

http://www.ncadv.org/