Goodbye to 2011 & Hello to Possibilities.

It's the last week of 2011.  It's been a year of amazing highs and pretty rough lows and like most, I'm anxiously awaiting the new year of possibilities. A chance to better ourselves, our relationships, our place in the universe and maybe lend a helping hand to those in need.  It's kind of a pensive night dear reader, perhaps not the best time to blog but I've neglected the poor thing for so long.


Last year I made the resolution to be more outgoing; I think I accomplished a fair amount of that in the course of 365 days.  I attended two large geek conventions, rocked out to Joan Jett at my very first concert, found friends, tried my best to be a friend, lost others and ate the best hamburger and pizza in the world, during the most wonderful summer of my life. And yes,  I lived to tell the tale.


I recently replaced all four tires on my car, an unexpected purchase at the wrong time of the year but I suppose there's never a right time.  I just feel like those tires this time of year; I think we all do at one moment or another.  Too much pressure ripping at our seams and wondering when that last bit of friction grinding us down will prove too much.  It's as if we're just hoping to make it over the next hill, alone in the darkness. I don't mean to come across as bitter or melancholy, I've had a many, many blessings in my life, much more so than a good number of people and I'm so very grateful.  I try to focus on that sense of gratitude on nights such as these, when I feel really very tired in almost every sense of the word. Tired, depleted and unable to shut down. I'm thankful for my small family, my dear friends and those who are dear to me.  I'm warm, I do not go hungry and I've a roof over my head at night.  That in itself is far more than some have ever known.


Tomorrow is a new day. In two days it's a new year; an open page to write your own story, a canvas to paint as vividly as you will.  All you must do is act quickly while the ink well is full and the paint still fluid. I wish grand masterpieces for you all.


Last year was my year of adventure, I think this year my resolution is to be more appreciative.  If you've taken the time to read my rambling dear reader, I'm pretty grateful for you.


"Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts." - Charles Dickens

It's Not Just a Case of the Blues

Washington state is considering eliminating funding for their Youth Suicide Prevention Program (YSPP).  I can't think of a worse idea than to cut funds for a program that if anything, should be over-funded.  We must find better ways to help the youth fight or learn tools in how to deal with bullying and depression.  


Depression affects 19 million people each year and the severity ranges from mild to major and one of the most at risk are teens.  It’s an unseen wound, when left unchecked can worsen over time to the point of debilitation. 

Depression is different than merely being depressed.  We all have those moments of sadness, an off day attributed to everyday living: disappointments, cancelled plans, breakups, another Dallas Cowboys' losing season. You'll get down and then back up, life will go on. 


I mean depression as in someone can’t eat, sleep or summon the will to get out of bed.


I’ve had several clinically depressed close friends in my lifetime, I'm still dear friends with one. They never knew each other, but eerily, both used the word swimming in describing depression.  One described it as “swimming in a murky pool of bad feelings" while another said she continually felt like "swimming in glue with weights tied to your neck".  Swimming. Drowning in every negative emotion and insecurity. For the clinically depressed, that overwhelming feeling of sadness is their life and entire world. I can’t imagine being in pain every waking moment; to not be able to at least identify the source of my sorrow.  Worse still is the stigma associated with depression; as the person is condemned as ‘crazy’ or dismissed as “being a downer”.

If you know someone who’s showing signs of depression, don’t wait, reach out to them. Don’t assume it will blow over or they will find something else to occupy their time.  There is nothing, nothing in this world worse than the feeling of regret for not being there for someone in their hour of need. Believe me.

If you have thoughts of suicide or self harm, please call 1-800-SUICIDE or  1-800-999-9999 from anywhere in the US. There is a person waiting to talk to you twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. If you feel you're suffering from depression, not just a case of the blues, please seek help and don't be afraid. You're not alone. You don't have to suffer in silence.

I’m not sure what made me focus on this topic this week. I had intended to write of autumn with my grandpa, but I don’t think he would’ve minded stepping aside for a moment.

I still remember you, Joshie. I pray you’ve found peace.

Thank you for taking the time to read.


(Thank you "MaryAnn" for the heads up on the WA situation and insight) 

Bulkheads.

"Her sides must be made of iron!" 

A quote attributed to a sailor during the sea battle of the USS Constitution and the HMS Guerriere in the War of 1812, where the cannonballs seemed to bounce off of the USS Constitution's double plank oaken hull.  Hence the nickname "Old Ironsides".

The topic my dear readers, is bulkheads.  It's not a flashy or sexy subject for this week's blog but it's what's on my mind.  A bulkhead is any vertical partition within a ship's hull.  A shipwright may use these to create storage areas to prevent cargo from shifting within a ship's hold or for creation of an airtight compartment in case of damage. It also reinforces the ship's hull for durability as the open ocean waves can create quite a pounding. The bulkheads are cumbersome and weigh the ship down but it's an integral part, born out of necessity.

Me? I just like the idea of safeguarding the ship; to minimize the damage before it reaches the innermost core.  To protect the heart of the vessel, to prevent anything from getting too close; because it's only at close range that the real damage occurs.

And ultimately that's what a bulkhead is. A safety valve.  A means of self preservation.  If you want to get beyond the emergency bulkheads, you have to take time.  Get to know why they're there or you'll never know what's behind them.

But then again, that's the point.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

And the new theme is....

So I've decided.... the theme for my blog is going to be... ?

No theme. 

I've posed the question and ultimately the decision rests upon myself.  To that end I've decided there will be no isolated theme, not strictly tech or geek, comic or media, just simply.... what's on my mind at the time.  Given that I've only a handful of followers, I hardly think this will cause ripples across the web, but I'm giving fair warning.  Some of it may be of interest, some less so, but all will be my own thoughts.

I hope you stick around.  I'd like to know your opinions on the topics.

As always, my thanks for taking the time to read.

Monsters Are Real.

Monsters are real.  They don't live under our beds or in our closets and they don't only come out at night.  The monsters may wear many faces; some familiar, some we put our trust in.  They can be spouses, parents or intimate partners.

The monster is domestic violence.  A topic that sadly seems to be at best discussed only in hushed tones and at worst, suffered in silence.  The abuse can take many forms:  physical, sexual and verbal.  It can be manipulation, intimidation, psychological, controlling finances and stalking.  You don't have to leave a bruise to damage someone.

Here are the hard facts: Nearly 1 in three women have been physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at least once in their lifetime.  That's an incident every fifteen seconds.  It's the leading cause of injury to women with only 25% of the incidences being  reported. The statistics get worse, 30% of female murder victims were killed by husbands or boyfriends.  
 
It doesn't have to be this way. 

If you're in danger, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

If you're in an abusive relationship, it's not your fault.  No one deserves to be abused or made to live in fear.  You're not alone there is help for both short term and long term plans.  

For safety plans and additional information, please visit the following websites:
http://www.domesticviolence.org/

http://www.ncadv.org/

Star Trek KHAAAAN!

On August 10th I attended my first real Star Trek Convention. (No offense to TrekExpo, which was very fun!)

I spent five days surrounded by Star Trek, giants in the field of science fiction, Leonard Nimoy's final appearance and yet... I went to one panel. Why? Because I was having the best time I can honestly recall. I met new friends, put faces to old friends that I'd never seen and talked to people from literally half the world away. I danced for the first time in years, I drank much more heavily than I should have, saw the actual Vegas strip and sat idly by while my kidney was being bartered. I didn't miss a thing.

Because that's what Star Trek is to me. It's not so much the props, the music or even the acting. It's the reaction by the fans, the camaraderie and the ability of this franchise much more than any other, to draw from all walks of life. We may dislike the odd number movies or have our personal preferences but we all agree... Star Trek has impacted our lives.

In the next blog I may make some actual references to the events, but for now there were far too many to individually list. To those who were there, thank you so very much for every laugh and moment that made my heart swell. For those who couldn't attend, I truly hope to see you next year!

Live Long & Prosper!

I Do Not Tolerate You. I Accept You.

Roman philosopher Boethius once said "Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law."

New York state is one vote shy of passing a law making it legal for same sex marriage. For the life of me I cannot fathom why this issue is being put to the whim of the states when so called "traditional" marriage is Federally recognized.

Why does it matter, it's just a piece of paper right? Wrong. It's a glaring symbol of inequality. Marriage is recognized and afforded rights with regards to taxes, property, benefits, loans and legal standing. This dear reader, is exactly taxation without representation or benefit. This is legislated discrimination. You cannot bestow rights of some; they must be for all to all.

Hospitals for instance can still prevent a loved one from gaining information or to be allowed at the bedside of a patient if not legally recognized. No one should spend their final hours alone and afraid, facing their own mortality and being judged a pariah by society. I can think of no greater tragedy than being separated from a loved one when my presence was needed most. Could you?

Life can be cold, brutal and often cruel. If you for even a moment have someone to spend your time with; someone who makes you happy then you should feel blessed. You should revel in the fact that in a world of billions, you've been chosen by fate and found someone special and in turn who wants you. Love is an incredibly rare and precious thing; something the government should have no involvement whatsoever. You should not be made to feel ashamed of your relationship and certainly not fearful for your safety.

I fail to understand how someone can have the unmitigated gall to presume the existence of their own relationship can be endangered by accepting the rights of others. If you truly believe that traditional marriage is somehow lessened by legalizing gay marriage, then your faith in that union must not be very strong. Marriages fail and relationships falter. Gay marriage will prove no different. Some will divorce, others will share a lifelong commitment growing old together. Homosexuals are people, after all.

We are all human beings with an incredible potential for compassion yet we sometimes take for granted what makes us human beings to begin with. Love. Love is living being, too. It breathes, it can starve, it can wither and it can soar. It can inspire to overcome almost any obstacle with the mere hope of its existence and yet be as fragile as glass. It's priceless and should be treat as such.

Even if the law is not passed either at the state or federal level, don't let a piece of paper define you or your relationship.

You have value. You have worth. Never forget that.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

A Work in Progress

I'm working on me. I'm telling fewer jokes, building fewer walls and trying to be more open. As it turns out, being less guarded is not as easy as I thought it would be. I can converse on many topics; history, physical science, sports, politics and yet more often I will tell a joke. Deflection.

I'm not sure when I started perfecting the craft of social masonry, but I've elevated the act to an art form.

So dear reader, in a step towards Grim 2.0 here are 5 tidbits about me. 1. I *should* have failed my driver's test because I was speeding. 2. The last movie I watched in the theater was Forrest Gump. 3. I actually do have "Mickey" on my iPod. 4. I have every season of "Three's Company" on DVD. 5. My favorite sound is the wind gently rustling the leaves of a large tree.

How's that? It's not much but every journey starts with a few steps. I hope you'll keep walking with me.

I Could Use a Sonic Screwdriver

I don’t like the universe right now. Every time that I repair one portion, another aspect has reached the end of its shelf life. It’s taken its toll. I’m not complaining (at least not overly) as I fully realize how well I have it in comparison to others. I’m not homeless, I have food to eat, I’m employed and I’m warm at night. Those are blessings not everyone can claim.


Still, I really could use a moment to just breathe. That’s all, just a moment to sit down and take it all in then to let it all out. A good nights sleep or day where my head doesn't feel as if it's splitting apart. Or just to scream at the heavens until all of the pent up frustrations are just cast out into the void, where they can do no more harm.


The month of May in particular has reached epic suckage proportions. If I didn’t know better I would think they’ve opened a Hellmouth franchise in my area.


I’m not going to get into specifics, you’ve already tolerated far too much of my whining as it is. Mostly here is the point of today’s blog in one word.


TARDIS.


I’ve never watched an episode of Dr. Who until last month. Somehow during the sleepless nights, stress, and stolen moments for Cap’n Crunch cereal dinners, I managed to become a huge fan. TARDIS. Just the name strikes glee and terror into the hearts of geekdom.


The Dr. is a universal handyman; he fixes the problems he sees with a screwdriver. (I might've gone with sonic duct tape, but that's just me.) When the job is done, pfft! Off he flies to a new wondrous world. No ties to anyone or anything, just an indestructible blue box and millions of frequent flier miles. He has the only key, a comfy chair and also seems to get excellent cell phone reception. What a brilliant way to live!


With that in mind, I’m starting a new Tumbl. “If I had a TARDIS”, where I will post musings on where/when I’d go. A transcendental vacation of sorts. Look for (in)frequent updates. I’m getting bad about finding time to blog lately.


I wonder if the Dr. could help me with that? Fantastic! Brilliant!

The Birthday Time Forgot

So I turned forty on Sunday. Yup. I admit it, four decades of mileage under my feet. Less hair and what I have is graying, more crows feet around the eyes and strange sounds emanating from my knees when I rise up.

When I was growing up, there was no internet, cell phones or CNN. The version of the iPod was a giant headset with an antennae with an AM receiver. We didn't download music from anywhere, we bought it or taped it from the radio. I still remember holding up a cassette recorder to tape music from "Solid Gold" on the television. And the theme song to "Fall Guy" but hey, it had Lee Majors and Steve Austin or not, he was still cool.

The point is, the world has changed.

It was a quiet day. I don't tell people when my birthday is very often, mostly because I'm very private. It's kind of getting to me as the years progress. Family members gone, friends lost to time, distance or illness. I think maybe I've gotten too private as this year, (with the exception of one dear friend on Facebook) everyone forgot; no cards, no calls, no texts. And that's my fault.

That's today's lesson, dear reader. Live. Don't just hunker down and go thru the motions each day. Make friends and get involved not only with them but allow them into your world as well. Playing it safe and avoiding the risks create the problem, it's not a solution. Being a friend is to be there for other's which I think I'm somewhat good at but it's also not fair to deny them to be there for you.

I posted this as a Facebook status and I truly believe it. "Time goes by so quickly & there's no do-overs. Don't hold back. Go big & full throttle. Take risks & savor each moment. If you fail, you've at least given your all for what you want in life. It's the path not taken that is the most worrisome." Take the time. Give and allow others in.

That's all.

Goodnight :)

Saving the Day

What if you were a superhero?  What would your power be?  Would you fly like Shazam or be invisible like the Invisible Woman? Would you control ice like the Iceman or fire like the Human Torch?

Truth is most of us would choose something that would benefit ourselves.  Sadly, I think we would far more likely use our stretching powers to grab a soda from the fridge without leaving the couch, rather than patrol the city looking to capture Captain Bedbug.

Still there is a chance to be a hero, to make a difference in the world.  As you know Japan has suffered a terrible earthquake and subsequent tsunami.  On Friday the numbers of victims numbered in the dozens, then hundreds.  By Saturday the numbers were counted in the thousands and as I write this on Sunday evening, the victims have been projected to be in the tens of thousands.  Without power, without heat, without fresh drinking water and without hope.  We can change that.  We can make a difference.

Below are the links and numbers of some international relief agencies.  If you can't donate money, please see if you can donate time or blankets.

Your super power can be caring for your fellow human beings.

To Help Online

American Red Cross
Apple iTunes
International Medical Corps' Emergency Response Fund
The Salvation Army
GlobalGiving's Japan Earthquake and Tsunami Relief Fund

To Help From Your Phone

Donations to the American Red Cross can be made from your phone by texting "REDCROSS" to 90999 for $10.  The donation will be included as part of your cellular phone bill.

By Mail

Check donations for The Salvation Army's Japan efforts must be marked "Japan earthquake relief" and sent to:
The Salvation Army
P.O. Box 1959
Atlanta, GA
30301-0959

Seasons Change

I didn't need my jacket today, a reminder that Spring is on its way and the crisp days of winter will soon pass into a hazy memory.  While I'm not a fan of the holidays, I like the winter months; granted I don't have to deal with the harsh snow and biting cold as do those who live on the other side of the map but there's a comfort in brisk weather.  Hot coffee tastes better, the world seems slightly cleaner, your home is more inviting and if you're a few pounds heavier, no one notices under the layers of clothes.  And of course there's flannel.

When in stressful times I like to walk.  Just get out and breathe.  I've had better weeks than this one and that's about as kind of a description as I'm willing to offer. The sooner it's done, the better. Musing on how much I dislike the many changes in life, I looked down and discovered a budding Snowdrop flower.  Just a hint of new life bursting forth.

Apology accepted.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Note:  Donations for our dear friend TrekJen are still being accepted.  If you're a follower of my blog, you know TrekJen lost her home and all of her belongings to a fire last month.  You can see her progress and how your generous donations are being put to work in building a new life at http://starfleetmomstrek.blogspot.com/

A new life and a new day.  Just like the Snowdrop.

Mountain of Compassion

"Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace.” -Albert Schweitzer.

So many of you have helped my dear friend TrekJen and the gratitude ripples throughout the Twitterverse! For those who may not know, Jen's house burned down on February 7th. If you do know Jen, you're aware that she's funny, a little quirky, very insightful, loyal and willing to do anything to make you laugh. She's one of those people that can make your day with just a few words or a funny picture. In an era full of cynics and bad news on every newspaper, Jen is a unique reminder that good people still exist in the world.

After the fire, Jen is now in the process of rebuilding her life. Not just building or adding on, but rebuilding. That's harder than many (including myself) can imagine. Jen's a trooper and has met the challenge head on but she needs help, as we all do at some point in our lives. Take a moment and think of what you would do with $5 or $10 dollars; a cup of coffee or a movie rental? Then think about if you had no DVD player or place to drink the coffee. That same $5 or $10 could help Jen buy a shirt, soap, toothpaste. Basic necessities that we often take for granted, until they're unavailable.

I know we've all made cutbacks in a tough economy and I wouldn't ask for more than you can give but if you are in a position to donate, there's a link below to help with TrekJen's Fire Relief Fund. (A a huge thank you to StarFleetMom for starting this!) If you can't donate, I totally understand but would greatly appreciate your forwarding the information to this and any other TrekJen Fire Relief blog. Post it to your twitter accounts, Facebook, MySpace, personal blogs or wherever you communicate.

One of my "Grimisms" is you don't have to move a mountain to save one. Jen is a mountain very much worth saving.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

We All Fall Down

We all fall down.

A bad circumstance can happen to anyone.  It doesn't matter who you are or where you are; sometimes bad things will find you.  Such was the case of my dear friend Jen. (@TrekJen for the Twitterers)  Jen lives in a rather cool climate and last night was no exception; when the temperature dipped down she also lost power (and heat).  After attempting to find the solution, she did the responsible thing and shut down the main breaker (Admittedly something this writer may not have thought to do) and went to work to sleep.  It was warm there. While at work, tragedy struck and her house burned down.

"And my house burned down" She Tweeted.  (Jen is, as you may have surmised, not much of a complainer) The sad truth is that she lost everything in the fire and escaped only with the clothes she was wearing, a laptop computer, her phone and her dog.  Those of you who are familiar with Jen, know that she's had some hard knocks before and yet remains one of the most outgoing and vivacious of people.  She is kind, she is selfless and if you had the ability to build a friend, Jen would be the prototype.  That's no small thing in this world.  These are in fact precious qualities that must be preserved.

Despite the brave front, Jen's facing a tough road ahead.  While I'm profoundly and will be eternally grateful she escaped unharmed, the time is now for her friends to rally.  No one can mobilize like Trekkies and @Starfleetmom is no exception.  "The Mom" has provided a link to donate to help Jen through this difficult time and has been tireless source of updates.  (The link is at the bottom of the page, it's a safe PayPal contribution) It's not about rebuilding her home, she did have insurance for the structure but this will not replace the contents.  I'm speaking of necessities; clothing, a toothbrush, underwear, soap, the things that we all take for granted are in our closets and medicine cabinets. Have you ever gone without clean underwear? I have.  It's no picnic.  At least not one I would attend.

I know this is a difficult time for many people, but please donate what you can.  Large, small, everything and anything can be a help.  If you can't donate, I urge you to please retweet this and any other "TrekJen Fire Relief" blogs; post them to your own blogs, your Facebook pages or MySpace, wherever you may roam.

We all fall down.... but we can also help each other up.

Thank you for taking the time to read and for whatever help you may offer.

I Like Mornings.

I get up in the morning long before dawn, around 3:45am each day.  Maybe a little earlier if I've not played whack a mole with my alarm clock; I sometimes forget to set it to radio rather than buzzer.  A klaxon blaring is not the most gentle of nudges. I would not do well on the Galactica.

I rise groggily and glance at my phone.  Any new messages? I yawn (and scratch) and plead with my coffee maker to brew faster. I should set the timer to finish earlier but the aroma is best while it's brewing. Clock is ticking. Brew faster! I'll clean you with vinegar tonight, I promise.  I mean it this time, not like last time.  Ugh.  Too slow.  I'll end up stealing a little coffee before Mr. Coffee has fully completed his task.  Why I am wearing only one sock?

I do my morning chores so everything is ready while I'm at work, then I shower, shave and pour another cup of coffee.  The television is relaying bad news in some part of the world.  Where is Bago? Oh yeah, Burma.  I mean Myanmar. I'm still not awake yet.

Then I sit at the computer for a few minutes.  Last chance for my own time before I dedicate the day to my many, many other preparations.  Any new messages? I check Facebook, nothing new.  I check my email and sort thru the reminders I've mailed myself.  Meeting at 10am. I'll need to review that file again.  Maybe I'll find my other sock in the folder.

Now to Twitter; I've saved the best for last.  Who said what? I have new mentions! The strangest thing is the people I talk to the most, I rarely see.   Some I've in fact never seen but I know about their lives, their children, their health. Some I worry about, some I worry for and send best wishes to.  There are those that make me mad, those that make me laugh and those I find more in common with than I have in years. If Twitter had a physical location, I envision it like a roadside cafe.  People come in and out quickly; some are from far away, others are close and some stay awhile to chat.  There's always at least one familiar face nearby and nobody cares how different you are or whether you've shown up in your pajamas.

We all just want to listen and to be heard.

I enjoy my mornings.

Rewriting the Wrong

“You have to know the past to understand the present.” - Dr. Carl Sagan

Evidently Dr. Sagan was incorrect; we don't need to know the past, we can just rewrite it. Again and again to suit our needs.  The classic novel Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain is undergoing a retrofit, they're replacing all references to the 'n' word to make it more accessible to the 21st Century.  The publisher is calling it an update; we used to call that "new wine in an old wineskin."

I'm not nor would I ever defend using that word, its offensiveness cannot be properly measured in today's context.  It is a word of hate with an edge meant only to slice away ones humanity. However to revise a work without the author's permission is censorship. I'm not sure how others feel about a revisionist practice but I'm afraid of what's next? Many classrooms already skip the nation's founding fathers because they were slaveholders. It's the ugly truth, but they were.  There are many instances in our nation's history that we wish didn't happen but turning a blind eye won't erase the occurrences.  We have to own our baggage, we can't pick and choose.

I may be off base but when you disregard history because it's embarrassing or uncomfortable, you do a disservice to those who struggled for justice in a time when little was to be found. If we don't remember the pain, how are we to remember those who endured it? If we do not embrace our past failures, how then are we to measure our success?

Thank you for taking the time to read.