Floyd!?

So I've found out that my cousin (Let's call him Floyd in case he discovers the "portal to the intenetteds" and I would hate for my rant to embarrass him.) is now married.  Floyd. The man who would offer to eat oddities for beer money.  The man who never met an itch he wouldn't scratch in public and who once said to me "David Lee Roth don't need them Van Halen assholes."


Don't get me wrong,  I'm actually pretty happy for Floyd and if he's found someone whom he loves and loves him in return, that's a beautiful thing.  I'm not jealous or resentful;  it's just difficult to put my initial reaction into words. 


Just... Floyd?!?


I was counting on Floyd.  As the only other bachelor in the entire family (Not including "Earl" who can now get married in several states), Floyd gave me a cushion. I had padding.  I had time and a distraction to all of my aunts, elders and married friends. "Go pick on Floyd, he's not married either!"  


Yes I verbally kneecapped Floyd on more than one occasion. If you knew my family, you would too. Don't judge me.


Oh the devious machinations this will put into motion.... Thank goodness the holidays are past so I do not have to fear the "fix-up, the set-up and the mix-up" for awhile yet.  (See my October 2010 'He's Single' entry for details.) 


I don't really have much contact with my father's side of the family anymore but I can practically smell the smoke from the phone lines crossing the country, from the Southland to central California back to the Southland and finally to here.


"Floyd got himself hitched. When is Grim going to get married??"


"He's too old to still be a bachelor!"


"Is he catting around? Fornicator!"


"Well you know how they live out there, they're all hippies."


"I will put his name on the church's prayer list and we will pray for his wicked, wicked soul!"


And so on... and so on...


Basically Floyd just made my life a little more difficult for the interim. So if you see a child with overly large gums, permanent baby teeth and hair in places no human should have growth, that'll be my new second cousin, Floyd Jr. or little Floydette.


And all kidding aside, Floyd is really a terrific guy and will make a heck of husband.  He's loyal, trustworthy and generous. I really do wish him all of the happiness in the world.


Damn it.


Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, Life goes on.


Thank you for taking the time to read.