There's a song by Warren Zevon that really touches me; it's one of those I can listen to repeatedly and never tire of. For those who only knew of Warren Zevon from "Werewolves of London", you're really missing out. The song I enjoy so much is "Don't Let Us Get Sick", a wistful tune to be sure about friendships and those closest to us. I've included a link at the bottom of the blog, the singer is Pat Guadagno.
Each year I try very hard to get into the holiday spirit but the stark reality is that the holidays have always depressed me. There's always someone you know who is out of work and you worry for them. Many of my family are ill or getting on in years so the gatherings are getting more difficult to plan and attend. The economy makes you wary about spending too much because there's no guarantees in the job market and every year there's another empty chair at the table painfully reminding us of our own mortality. I'm working on getting that sprit that almost all of us have had at some point in our lives, but it's not easy.
Relationships are particularly tough. For those that only know me as 'Grim' online, I try to be funny and light. The truth is in person, I tend to actually be rather grim. I'm an introvert and a loner, I don't make friends quickly nor easily anymore and tend to cherish a small number of intimate friends rather than a large number of acquaintances. It's a defensive measure, I suppose and words to live by are "Don't get close, people leave." They get sick, they get old and then they're gone.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total humbug; I don't begrudge those who do take extreme joy in the holidays, I'm glad they're able to embrace the spirit of giving. Goodness know we can use more of it in the world today. Although I've been more social this year than practically in decades, I just see commercials, couples and children and the warm fuzzy intentions just adds to the feeling of funk.
So dear reader, if you've found this blog either by interest or by accident maybe you've learned a little about me. I'm not one to usually open up about my personal life.
But I'm working on that, too.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
Just so you know: You're not alone in feeling the way you do during the holidays. Apparently you and I have quite a bit in common.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
aww, Grimmy...guess what? the older i get the more of a pain in the arse the holidays are! it's not our fault...it's the way of the world.
ReplyDeleteI'm guilty as anyone of making more of the season than what it's supposed to be.
The trees are up in the stores before Halloween and I scramble and toil to decorate, bake and provide presents and pictures for far too many people when what it SHOULD be is a day, maybe a few days, of loving on others.
Too much tinsel and not enough Jesus, too much decking the halls, and not enough silent nights..that's the problem!
OK that was rambling and disorganized, but heck, that's the season! arrgh!
ReplyDelete